Lately, I’ve been a complainer. I see people who practically look like models, I see people who travel the world and make tons of money on photography, I see people in my dream cars…you name it! And I’m left wondering, “What the heck? Where can I get that?”
Then…I’m left with the feeling of emptiness that I try to temporarily fill with a purchase from the mall or a cheat meal from Chilies.
You see, I thought marriage was supposed to be this happily ever after kind of thing. I mean, that’s what the movies say, right? And I thought having friends and stuff was supposed to make me happy? Ha!
For months now I’ve been on this rollercoaster journey with God. We go up up up and I feel great then something bad happens then SMACK. I’m back on the ground. Thats because I was finding my satisfaction in the way things were going in my life and I wasn’t earnestly seeking God and truly desiring Him and ONLY Him.
My husband felt like an annoyance to be around, I was a million miles from my friends, I gained some weight and my photography business wasn’t hitting it off quite as planned. These were all things I sought after before God. Marriage, friends, body image and my photography. All fruitless joys.
Once I hit that point of, “I might as well die no one would care anyways,” point (I know I can be a bit dramatic), God seems to smack me in the face with conviction. I was reading a passage written by Augustine when I realized that I was seeking after silly things that were so temporary.
How sweet all at once it was for me to be rid of those fruitless joys which I had once feared to lose . . . ! You drove them from me, you who are the true, the sovereign joy. You drove them from me and took their place, you who are sweeter than all pleasure, though not to flesh and blood, you who outshine all light, yet are hidden deeper than any secret in our hearts, you who surpass all honor, though not in the eyes of men who see all honor in themselves. . . . O Lord my God, my Light, my Wealth, and my Salvation.
I should be craving God this much. Not my friends, my body image or even my marriage! All of my friends and my husband could die tomorrow and then I’m left with what? GOD! I’m left with the literal creator of the entire universe who loves me so incredibly much and I’m just too selfish and caught up into my own self to appreciate it!
Who cares if you’re broke and single and still living in a double wide! You have God! Your Instagram likes are SO unimportant. Give your dreams and cares to God and let Him take care of them for you. He cares about them WAY more than you do I promise. He loves you WAY more than you could ever imagine. This life is such a tiny speck compared to eternity so stop sweating the small stuff! Your marriage (or lack thereof), your money and your house are all temporary and fruitless joys. Fill yourself with God. Seek Him. Pray. Cry out to Him. Sing to Him. Let Him be your everlasting joy.
Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, my God.